Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
