Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
