was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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