Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
