Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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