He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Dick very happy bro
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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