:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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