Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
