For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
