My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
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