addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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