Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
