I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
