woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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