Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Green mimosas i think yes
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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