Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
