I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
