Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
