You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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