I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Randomize
