Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
