You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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