I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
