Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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