what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
