someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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