Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
