Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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