ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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