I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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