Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Randomize
