Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
im about as happy as oj after his trial
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
