Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
