Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
