he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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