Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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