RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I see more hoeing in ur future
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