i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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