Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
