its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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