Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
