Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
