dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Randomize
