i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
