Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
People in love make me want to vomit
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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