I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
