Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
He passed out mid-signature
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
