I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize