You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
