pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
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