I don't usually arrange sex via text message
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Randomize
