shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
