just come out here and I will go home with you...
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
