1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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