i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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