kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
