all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
You've changed since you got that strap on
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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