I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
organizing the empties. That sober.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
