she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
