Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
