Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
and you fell through a lawn chair
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
