I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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