why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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