South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
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