Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
