there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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