It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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