that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Randomize
