apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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