No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
