i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize