Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
