you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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